Yo!! If you've learned anything from my Talkin' Shop posts (click for a direct link to all of my prior TS posts!) you'll know that I love to fill you in on the side of labor and delivery most people don't see, or, heck, even know exists.
This, my friends...is a "What NOT to Do" post. Listen up.
You hear me?
ARE YOU LISTENING????
Okay then. Now that I have your attention...
First things first, do NOT, whatever you do, miss out on ENJOYING your birth! Try not to get caught up in worry and fear of the unknown...birthing a babe is the most amazing thing in the whole world, do NOT let anything overshadow that.
Next, do NOT forget to brush your teeth. Many, many times during labor. Or, at the very least, suck on a mint.
Just don't choke on it...there's too much paper work involved in that sort of thing.
Try not, if you can at all help it, to name your sweet, lovely, unborn, unsuspecting newborn: "Vitamin". Please. Just...well, just please.
Remember, do NOT eat anything that you will NOT want to taste twice. Subway may sound like a fabulous choice prior to coming to the hospital, but regurgitated Subway really isn't all it's cracked up to be. (And, MAN ALIVE!! Does it stink!)
If you happen to be in the hospital in preterm labor, and you are on the monitors, what ever you do, do NOT let your significant other talk you into...er...into...ahem...ah...well, don't let them talk you into anything. *coughlikesexcough*
Because, if you should happen to...ah...you know, do something...your monitors will get all wonky and your nurse will come in to check out what on earth is going on with those goofy monitors.
We labor and delivery nurses aren't used to seeing strange naked men. Med/surg nurses, sure...but not L&D nurses.
And besides, you really shouldn't be doing, ahem...you know...if you are having pre-term labor.
Alrighty, then...moving on...
Whatever else you may forget to bring to the hospital, do NOT forget to bring your nurse chocolate. Or cookies. Or, maybe a cream puff. Dire things can happen if those are forgotten.
If you can at all help it, try NOT to refer to your cervix as "the hole". It's just really not that classy. And, cervix isn't a grody word...not like it's partner in crime, vagina (See? I have no problem writing that...vagina, vagina, vagina...it's just that I hate saying it. So, please...never ask me to. Thank you in advance.) so it's really not bad to say.
Do not EVER, ever, ever, never, ever, rely on the 5 second rule in a hospital. *shudder* Do you have any idea what goes on on those floors?