Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Notes from a Hairless Mother.


Because I like to help people out...and prevent anyone from taking any missteps along the road of life...I enjoy sharing newly gleaned knowledge with all y'all. (Yes, I know I'm from MinneSOOOOta...but once upon a time, I was granted permission from a Southerner to say "y'all", and so I do.)

Friends, my tips for a pool party with 9 year old girls:

1. Don't do it.

2. If you do not heed tip #1...limit yourself to a 10 minute party.

3. Trust me when I say 4 hours is too long.

4. Don't do it.

5. Make sure your daughter invites herself. And you. And that's it.

6. You know, on second thought, disregard tip #2...10 minutes is entirely too long.

7. Bring ear plugs. I didn't. What? WHAT? Speak louder...I can't hear you!!!

8. Restrain your arms at your sides...if you don't, you risk pulling out all of your hair.

9. Downside to tip#9 is that if someone goes down...they're on their own. Restrained arms are not helpful in CPR.

10. Try not to cry when it's over. Yes, I know you'll be happy...but it'll look bad to the other parents.

11. Apologize to your parents for any pool parties you had as a child. Don't be offended when they aren't at all sympathetic to your woes.

Listen to me when I tell you this. If you do not, you are risking your hair, your hearing and your sanity.

I am left with nothing left of those.


7 comments:

  1. Gawd, I wondered how this was gonna go... Oy. I'm so sorry... things I'm never going to allow: pool parties (I was a lifeguard for toooooo long!) and pizza at sleepovers. I'll explain the last one in a blog post very soon... but 9 year old girls? Shudder. I'm going to enter a medically induced coma for "friend" birthdays from about age 6 onward. And don't worry... hair grows back... I just can't guarantee it'll be the same color... or any color for that matter ;o)

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  2. Oye! Yeah, that's not my cup of tea either!

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  3. The echo of the indoor pool will have lasting effects, I'm sure. But I'm sure the 9 yr olds were all happy. :)

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  4. Oh my. Was it truly that bad? Please disregard my comment on the previous post. ;)

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  5. Duely noted. You are a brave mama and I am sure went down in history and awesome! 9 is coming up i a few months and now I know what to say No too!

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  6. I once helped at my friend's daughter's birthday/pool party. It was the end of our friendship.

    Okay, just kidding. But it was crazy. About 12 screaming 7 year olds.....

    About 12 screaming, wet 7 year olds.

    About 12 screaming, wet 7 year olds who had each consumed their body weight in sugar.

    Yeah..... 5 years ago and I'm still trembling thinking about it.

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I love comments! And, I welcome your thoughts that aren't in agreement with mine...as long as they are respectful!

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