I just had a revelation. You know how they say God has a plan for everyone?
Yeah...well...I think I figured out what His plan is for our baby girl.
We went shopping yesterday, and I'm quite certain that my (*plasters fake smile on face*) adorable, wonderful, (*beginning to clench jaw*) pookey, schnookums (*speaking through gritted teeth*), munchkin of a love bug was bestowed upon me to create within me, a horrid and vile aversion to malls.
I'm pretty sure that, prior to her arrival, I loved malls waaaayyyy too much and that God thought that maybe I should take it down a notch.
So He gave me her.
And now, I'm beginning to twitch whenever we pull into the mall parking lot.
In fact, I think maybe even the mall employees are starting to twitch when we pull into the parking lot. Either that, or run for cover.
"EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!! TAKE COVER!!! BABY GIRL HAS JUST ENTERED THE LOT!!"
And they all dive underneath their registers, quaking in fear, praying that we pass through quickly.
I'm thinking it won't be long and I'll be having full blown panic attacks whenever we come within a couple of blocks of a mall...it'll be like my own inner GPS..."uh oh. Panic attack...we must be near a mall."
And then my babe's head will start to spin and she'll begin to cackle and take on her evil alter-ego "Screech" (not to be confused with the adorable but tragically unsuccessful "Saved by the Bell" dude...he was probably fabulously behaved in malls...) who will only disappear once we have arrived back at home.
Somebody help. I think they gave me the wrong baby in the hospital.