Out-laws!

Oh, what a day! Slightly chilly, okay I'm kidding, I was freezing!! Geez, us Minnesotan's, can't keep us happy...you'd think that since we spend so much of our year literally freezing, that 60 degree weather would feel, well, balmy, nearly tropical, right? Not the case with me! It was darn cold today, but we still enjoyed ourselves!

My nephew (Mr. Wonderful's sister's son) celebrated his high school graduation today, in typical MN fashion...open house, lot's of food, lot's of friends, lot's of family, even more beer. What that meant for me was, lot's of in-laws (or as we refer to ourselves, out-laws!)...and we stick together! You see, my husband is one of ten (yes, that's right T-E-N) children, no multiples, no adoptions! They are a very close knit family...a little too close, sometimes (he owns his business with his brother, their sister is their office manager, their oldest brother also works for them, they hire their dad from time to time, as well as occasionally hiring their youngest brother and a brother-in-law or two or three...see what I mean?)! I joke with Mr. Wonderful that I think his parents wish they would have had 5 boys and 5 girls, then they could have married each other and not tainted their blood with that of us "out-laws"! (But that, my friends, is an entirely different post!)

So, we out-laws sat on the side-lines and chatted...laughing, joking, sharing 'in-law' stories...and we were in good company, as we all agreed with one another! It really was a fun time and I did enjoy myself (I have yet to warm up!) almost as much as my kiddos enjoyed their "cousin" time! I may not see eye-to-eye with my in-laws (does anyone? I'd love to hear how you do it!), but they raised a pretty darn good man, and I am blessed to call him my husband!

Something Skinks...

Update: Just in case you were, um, wondering...skink tails fall off too. Ah, just a little something I experienced learned recently. Also, possibly their tails affect their life span? I dunno, just thought...

Mr. Wonderful is trying to tell me this is called a "skink"...thing is, I've never even heard of a, skink. Looks to me like a mutated minnow...I've never seen anything like this. Way back, before I was, you know, creeped out by creepy, crawly things, I played with my fair share of salamanders (did you know their tails fall off if you grab them? Not, you know, that I'd know first hand, or anything...), but this is nothing like the black and yellow creatures of my day! Just look:

So there it was, wriggling through the grass...snake style (gives me shivers just thinkin' 'bout it!) and my manly man nabbed it for a quick little educational session with the kiddos: (notice no one is getting too close!)And now, Mr. Skink resides in bucket, being gawked at innumerable times a day, being fed fare of a completely different sort than he's used to (well, at least I think. I'm not up on Skink fare, so he's had a cherry, watermelon and a pea pod...Very Hungry Caterpillar style, I guess!)
(Oh, and P.S--apparently spellcheck hasn't heard of "skink" either! Glad I'm not the only one!)

I'm Venting!

Oh, man! Work was work tonight! I need to vent a little as I feel kinda worked up...had a patient tonight that was very trying. I am usually a patient, tolerant nurse, but this gal was about all I could handle. High anxiety, hard to please, always on her light (nurse speak for very needy)...it never ended, and nothing I did was enough. I know, I know, I know...it's my job to take care of her, right? So I should just go ahead and shut up, right? I know I should (bad nurse, bad, bad nurse)...I was just plain old ready to cash her in, I just wanted a "normal" patient, one who didn't have panic attacks or strange questions or complaints or who wasn't so uptight about where her pillows needed to be (I'll tell you, though, where I wanted to stuff those pillows...). This makes me sad to say, but I was hoping for her to deliver, not because of the miracle of birth, but so she'd just stinkin' stop complaining/worrying/questioning/freaking out! Man it was tough (ha! Listen to me...what a whiner I am!)!

And then the miracle we were all waiting for (nope, not the delivery, you'd like to think that's what I'm referring to, but nope...), after the delivery, her sister brought in Chipotle...apparently Chipotle should be served in mental health facilities, 'cuz it had the most amazing affect on her. This anxiety ridden woman did a 180 with her personality (well, maybe a 160)...she's munching on her burrito and she's suddenly a completely different person! I've never seen anything like it...I really think it was a miracle!

Speaking of miracles and work (yes, with my job, they go hand in hand, but that is, once again, not what I'm referring to)...I have a co-worker that has brain cancer. This woman is a totally, incredibly, phenomenally amazing person! Her positive attitude and fabulous spirit and outlook impress me to no end. She just had her 3rd surgery and they received the news they had been waiting for...they finally got ALL of the tumor! Check out her story and progress for yourself here. Audra is one courageous woman, send her your prayers!

Tech-no?

All my life I have been terrible at decision making..."pink shoes or yellow? hair up or down? corn and tomato salsa on my burrito?"...you see, I can just imagine how good both options can be. I've never been a glass half empty or half full kind of person either, afterall, doesn't it matter whether you've just filled the cup or emptied it?

So my latest issue is this whole technology bit, texting (I don't), blogging (I do), Twitter (just started), Facebook (for awhile) and how connected I want to be...or would it be disconnected? I'm loving the whole blog routine, hoping this isn't just a "honeymoon" phase, 'cuz I enjoy posting, stimulating my brain to be creative, witty, 'real'. Jury's still out on Twitter, loving Facebook, and questioning if I would like texting. I am a verbal person, I am a "warm fuzzy"...I love people, I love helping people, I love connecting with people and I think texting "cheapens" that...makes it, generic, if you will. If I start texting, will I become disconnected? I'm afraid for this "up coming" generation (I'm Generation X, is this Generation Text?) and the communication skills they will lack. Yet, with all of that, texting intrigues me, maybe even entices me a little.

And, hence, the decision...do I or don't I? Tech-no, or tech-yes?

And, if I do...what kind of a phone do I get? (oh, crap, another decision...)

Reality Bites!

So, it's the last day of school, here, in our neck of the woods. I love, love, love, summer vacation...the whole bit; kids home, warm weather, summer activies, family trips, beaches, etc, etc. I did, however, have a bit of a panic...you see, I realized, in just one short year I will have a kiddo headed to high school. High school.
Do you know what that means? It's putting my trust in a kiddo whose diapers I was changing just yesterday, girls (and dang have they become agressive)...actually, I think it's the girls that scare me most! I remember being a horomone crazed/boy crazy she-girl, and I hope my son stays far, far away from those girls! Oh where, oh where has my baby gone? I do not feel old enough to be this close to the high school years...I recall those days in my own life, very clearly...too clearly, perhaps, and maybe that is the reason I'm so freaking freaked out by this revelation!

Yuckit!

What's a "Yuckit", you ask? Well, I'm so glad you did! A "Yuckit" is not so much noun as it is verb...you see, I "Yuckit" when I see something disgusting (be it a skink or someother creepy crawly). And I must confess. It was not I that came up with this cute little phrase...no, not so. It would be my eccentric Literary professor of an uncle (is it a requirement that professors are eccentric? Is it a product of their education, this eccentric-y-ness of theirs? I digress...)--he was showing the Littles a real live cicada, as I was crouched behind a tree nearby, hoping, hoping, that my children don't touch that disgusting beast (ugh, I'm even more grossed out by what I just saw on that link).
When I dared come out from my hiding place (I realized that I was bigger that it) and got a closer look, I said "Yuck."
To which my uncle exclaimed, "Don't yuck it!", and hence, a phrase was born.
In my defense, that darn cicada deserves a resounding "yuckit"!
So, the next time you see something deserving of a "yuckit", say it loud and say it proud:

Yuckit!!!!

Humorous Hump Day!

Happy Hump Day! In honor of this mid-week, not quite, but almost to the weekend day, how 'bout some jokes for you folks?! I'm a blonde (naturally and at heart!) and I love a great blonde joke! Here are some of my faves:

A blonde was on one side of a river, another blonde on the other. One blonde said to the other across the river, "Hey, I need to get to the other side of the river. How'd you get over there?"
The reply was,
"What do you mean? You are on the other side!"

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a pool!

How 'bout knock-knock jokes? My kids love 'em!

"Knock-Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Boo"
"Boo who"
"Don't cry, it's only a joke!"

Here's my fave Laffy Taffy joke of all time:

What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!

Here's a silly joke my son came home with last year (I don't know why, but I thought it was hilarious!):

What do an elephant and a grape have in common?
They're both purple...I lied about the elephant!

Okay, so maybe they're a little cheesy, but I bet some made you smile? Have a fantastic day!

Diva Baby

Awww, isn't she a love?! This is our Tiny Girl, she may be little but this girl carries her weight in attitude! Just look at that impish look on her face, she's just conspiring on how she can throw her 20 pounds around and make everyone jump through hoops for her.

And she's dang good at it too! Mr. Wonderful is wrapped around that tiny finger about 30 times, and he always puts his foot down with her loves every bit of it!

Here's the story about our Tiny Girl: she is number 5 of 5--a BIG (as in shock factor, not size) surprise...we were content with our four children, life was moving on, kids getting bigger and more independent when I realized I was a little late, ahem.

Took a pregnancy test to reassure myself that I was not indeed pregnant (again!!) when, yikes! There was a plus sign on that pregnancy test! Egads!!

I mean, how, did this happen (well, okay I knew how)...cue tears, "oh, my gosh again", pregnancy test throwing, yes, throwing (as in at Mr. Wonderful, certainly not one of my finer moments) and yup, it was true (at least according to the five pregnancy tests I took), we were havin' a baby!

I prayed a lot during those early weeks (oh gosh, I'm tearing up...) and came to accept that it is not I who plans my life. No indeed it is not. God had this wonderful little creature already planned for us and He knew all along what a blessing she would be!

I still feel guilty about how I felt in those first weeks months of pregnancy, and I am constantly overcome with joy, gratitude and thanks that God chose to bless us with this Tiny Girl! I have since encouraged fellow "taken by surprise" women that they will be amazed with the baby they are bringing into this world...never again will I doubt the "unplanned" pregnancy, after all, every baby has a plan, just, perhaps, not planned by us!

Hmmm...well, that's not exactly where I was headed when I started this post, but anywho...Tiny Girl has a fabulous older sister to teach her the in's and out's of "Divahood" (kinda like sisterhood, but rocked up a bit)! Just the other morning I captured this:

Hee, hee!! I love, love, love the eating with the pinky up...Fancy Nancy style (and if you haven't discovered Fancy Nancy, rush out, right now and buy these books for your own little diva...they are fabulous, darling!)! Simply, extravagant (that's a fancy word for, well, fancy!). Oooh, I could just eat this Tiny Girl up!!

Remember the "Family Circus" comic strip? Remember how they showed where the little boy had meandered by a dashed line? Check this out!

Tiny Girl had been playing in some water puddles (totally un-diva-ish behavior, I didn't have the heart to tell her though), her pants and shoes soaked, and she left us a trail!

Oh, if only they'd always leave tracks...then we'd know just exactly where they had been! I think I'd find this especially helpful in the high school years, dontcha think?

Man, I love this girl!

Not Me! Monday

Update: Turns out MckMama took Memorial Day off...but, yup, you've got it! Not Me!

It's time for Not Me! Monday! Have a peek over at MckMama's blog, the brains behind this behemoth, brutally honest blog (but not really brutally honest...it is Not Me! after all!). I've been cataloging things in my mind all week, so here we go!

I lovingly encourage my children to help out around the house. Major grocery shopping was in order for my family, so off went the Littles and I. Many grocery bags and hungry kids later, we were home unloading our goods. I was in the house unloading some bags when I heard the unmistakable "pop" of an under pressure glass jar breaking. I did not run outside to find spaghetti sauce covering my Nutty Bars and proceed to lose my cool with Little A. and ask him "what are you doing? Next time grab something lighter!" Yeah, um, I would never bring a poor little three year old to tears when he was just trying to help. Ugh, what "Mother of the Year" would do that? Hopefully Not Me! ever again!!!

In my last couple of NMM, I spoke of Mr. Wonderful always taking his laptop to work. How dare he, right? I mean, come on does he think it's his work computer, or what? So, during the day I was not having major blog withdrawls (sweats, shaking, the whole nine yards) and I didn't do a little, ah, rearranging, so to speak:Wow, that's one heck of a hip work space, huh? I would never invest blood, sweat, and tears all in the name of blogging! Well, okay, maybe no blood and tears, but definitely sweat, this is nearly a prehistoric PC, and man is it heavy! All in the name of a stronger internet signal. I'm nothing if not resourceful though! Nope, Not Me!

I had my first "Girls Night Out" in a looooong time on Friday, and I did not enjoy myself one wee little bit! In fact, you can see for yourself how much I didn't enjoy myself here! As you'll be able to see, we did not have any fun at all! Nope, especially Not Me!

Oh, and one silly last Not Me! I did not e-mail Governor Sarah Palin after I read her daughter Bristol's interview in People Magazine! I was not soooo touched by the entire article because that article could have been written about ME, around thirteen years ago! I did not get teary eye'd while reading it and feel soooo compelled that I tapped out a letter about 30 pages long, then realize that she'd probably never invest an evening reading my novel, proceed to delete the whole thing and re-write it in about 3 paragraphs (and man was that hard!!). I would never be so "dorkish" as to be moved by a People Magazine article (also, not another of my addictions)--uh, uh...Not Me!

Well, that's all folks! Happy Not Me! Memorial Day Monday! Have a fantastic week!

Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun!

Wow! What can I say? We had a great fabulous time on our Girls Night Out!! In fact, possibly, maybe it was a little too fabulous! Dinner, drinks, dancing--ooh, I'm loving it all over! I did pay for it the next day, much to Mr. Wonderful's dismay, but, man, it was fun!! Here I am with the Northern Half of the RS (and no, I won't explain that!) plus Tara (my marketing phenom of a friend)! (That's me on the right, in the white! Aww, what a cute little rhyme!)And this is my gorgeous friend, Angela, who happens to look as though she is sprouting green horns in this picture! IRL (in real life) Angela is even more gorgeous sans green horns, and she's a blast to hang out with!

These are my gorgeous girls, Jen, Angela (see what I mean, minus the horns?!), Tara and Aimee. Aimee has a dirty (well, not so dirty, really) little secret, but I can't tell you what it is. You'll just have to wait for that!

And here's some of our party "gettin' jiggy wit it" out on the dance floor, which we seemed to monopolize that night! Aren't they cute? Oh, and they're smart and fun too! I'm not ALL about appearances, you know!
Just so you know how fun our night really was...an adorable little pic of Jen and her bucket:

Well, okay, so she didn't really puke! Someone did, but I'm not mentioning any names, ahem. We did, however, score that fabulous souvenir barf pail, isn't that great?! Hmmm, okay, so maybe it's not so fabulous to be handed a pail as you are leaving a bar, but it was a fantastic night! Thanks ladies!

Confession!

Okay, I have a confession to make...are you ready?

Please don't think I am a materialistic, vainish person...well, okay, maybe I am, but please don't pass harsh judgement on me. Please?

Here it is: I hate used stuff!

Oh, that feels better. So, there it is, in bold black and white, I can't stand it!

Hand-me downs, used clothing stores, and, egads!!, garage sales...they make my skin crawl.

I know, I know, just wash 'em right? I don't know what it is, I Just. Can't. Do. It!

Please forgive me, I try not to be so snotty, I just can't help it! I can feel my blood pressure rise and the hairs on my neck start to stand up when ever I'm around used stuff, it gives me the shivers!

Ever read the book "Hand Me Down"? Can't remember the author, but it is a great read, maybe, possibly, perhaps 'cuz I related to the poor "hand me down" challenged heroine? Anyway, check it out...it's a great, fluffy, mindless read!

But, I digress...back to my, um, issue. So, if you are wondering, yes, my children wear hand me downs, from each other. If it started in my family, then I'm a-okay with it, actually, I think it's rather cute to see outfits on Tiny Girl that the Lovely Miss E. used to wear.

Other people have given me used stuff, and I flat out refuse it. Gagging, shuddering, shivering, and backing away, holding my arms out saying, "no, no, nooooo!!!"

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm such a wimp, I'd be afraid to hurt someone's feelings if I refused it, so I graciously begrudgingly accept it, but they'd never know 'cuz I'm all "Oh, thank you sooo much! This is great" while I carry it out held between two fingers, arm outstretched, as if I can't get it far enough away from me...it is used, after all!

Then it just sits, until I pass it to someone else.

Let me clarify, tho', if you will. I will (graciously) accept used items that are especially cute (dresses, coats) and in very good condition (i.e hardly worn, and by "hardly worn", I mean with tags still on--just kidding!! Okay, well maybe I'm not!).

But, I must wash them first, and absolutely no shoes!!!

And, this leads me to believe why I never pass my used goods on...I mean, if I don't want your grimy, used goods, why would you want mine?

Tit for tat, or somethin' right?

So, our stuff gets boxed up, with intentions for Goodwill, only to sit in the garage 'til the dog gets 'em and then we need to toss 'em.

Here's how I plan to reconcile this, problem of mine. I will make a promise to you (and who better to make a promise to than someone you don't know or see? My blog friends, virtual existence...virtual promise!!), my promise will be that I will make a greater effort to donate my (*insert goosebumps and shivers here*) used stuff to charity, perhaps that will offset my materialisticness...or somethin'?

Somethin'?

Middles

This is my marvelous middle man, E.W (pronounced E dubya)! The most expressive and soft hearted of my gaggle of children, he and I had a rocky spot a while back. E.W and his younger brother are close in age (no, not Irish twins), but still, too close, in my opinion.

E.W was all of 21 months old when we rocked his world and brought home little A. A baby too small to play with that took up all of his mommy's time and occupied her lap more often than not. It was about this time that our laid back middle child turned into a destructive hellion not so laid back toddler. I would no sooner sit down to nurse the baby and E.W would have emptied the junk drawer, broken some sort of mechanical something or other, and, most certainly, spilled something sticky on my floor. Couple this with post-partum hormones, a jaundiced baby, exhaustion and Mr. Wonderful's busy work time...well, you get the picture. This little man had me at my wits end, and, yet, I knew exactly what the problem was (cue organs, scary music) Middle Child Syndrome! My poor middle was not getting enough attention, but, I had none extra to give!

But, alas, life goes on, babies get bigger and need less of their mother's time (sniff, sniff). When I consciously put my mind to it and focused on my wonderful E.W, life started to change. I'm still not entirely sure if he "out grew a phase" or if it was my, ahem, fabulous mothering and attention giving that prompted the change, but whatever the cause, E.W became less, well...intense! So, to everyone suffering through Middle Child Syndrome, rest easy...this, too, shall pass! I now have a fantastic, fabulous, fearless (kind of) five year old who loves his mama, that darn baby brother and Ford trucks. And I love this little man, who I, seriously, thought was going to need psychiatric help...turns out he just needed his mama's love.

Self love?

So, I've been thinkin' a lot about this whole blogosphere, twitter business. Don'tcha think it's narcissism at it's finest? I mean really! Talk about self love! Virtually conversing with, well, nobody, and yet everybody at the same time.
But, you know, self love is good, I think, to some extent! It's gotta be a whole lot better than self loathing, right? In all seriousness, I do find it quite funny that I sit here and write these posts to no one in particular, just writing them, 'cuz I like to hear myself talk. Well, you know, not talk but write, or somethin'! And I also think it's funny that virtually none of my close friends or family know of my blog. I can count them on one hand...my bestie Tara (a marketing phenom), Mr. Wonderful (of course), my mama, and my baby bro, oh, and my oldest two kiddos know, too! Ooops, I guess that'd be two hands I'd need to count them on...but anywho...I sit here blogging then, to whom? I don't know, as I read on a different blog, I guess I'm blogging to "creepy internet strangers"! I myself would be a creepy internet stranger, 'cuz I bloghop like there's no tomorrow--it's like crack to me! I love reading about people's lives, and I guess that's why I blog myself!
Thanks for partaking in my self love!

Ordinary-ish

So, I'm kinda sad. I feel old, you know, just not so fresh anymore! When I started this blog, I thought I was a pretty creative gal. Back in the day (I almost said glory days, but, hmmmm, I don't think high school was so glorious anymore) I was a GREAT creative writer! There was no end to this imagination of mine! I so thought I still had it, and sometimes I think I do, but I sit down to write, and my mind goes blank...what the heck?!
Back in the day (BITD) I could pound out a story that would have you captivated and interested, 'course, I was getting at least 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep (oh man, that sounds like heaven!), had no little lives to worry about, hubby to keep happy, home to keep clean, career to keep current on, finances to stress over...huh, maybe that's the cause for this creative mind block of mine. But, still, I miss it!
But I digress, I have it sometimes, I have fun little thoughts, ideas run through my mind, but by the time I sit down to compose...poof, gone, just like that!
BITD I used to think people in their thirty's were old man! I mean ancient, but wise, and experienced, and they certainly had it all together and knew exactly what they were doing. Funny...I don't feel like that person. I mean, I have a pretty fabulously terrific life, don't get me wrong...I guess I just feel, I dunno, immature, foggy? Hmmm, maybe I just don't have the word for how I feel?! But I know I don't feel like a wise old lady, I just feel like an old lady (and I know 32's not really old, but, yeah, it is!)
Anywho, I'm kinda hoping this blog will help to spark my creative genius again, reboot my brain so it can be all sharp and witty and fun and cute again! Whoo-hoo! Here's to lifting the fog and bringin' back my cuteness, or somethin'! Stay tuned!

Not Me! Monday

Whoo-hoo! It's Not Me! Monday again! So, last Monday, MckMama tortured us by not posting until late morning! But, I didn't waste all the morning any time at all refreshing, and refreshing, and refreshing...heavens, I have things to do! I would never waste valuable time with such silly things...Not Me!

It does not break my heart that tiny girl would prefer to be laid down for bedtime, alone, in her crib, rather than rock to sleep. And, so, I did not, totally lap it up when she wanted to rock Sunday night! Nope, I did not think it was the most delicious thing in the whole world to hold that warm little body for all of a, very short, five minutes. Uh, uh...did not enjoy that one little, tiny bit!

Speaking of tiny girl, she has more attitude than our teenager, really, she does! We sooo did not get a kick out of her "drama" one evening when she was told "no, no, no" as she was standing in her high chair. I did not think that the lower lip and Oscar winning crying was so hilarious, that I asked said teenager to "do it again! Tell her no, no, no!", and completely enjoy the performance all over! I would never even dream about hysterically laughing with one of my children when they are crying...never!! (But, gosh, it was funny!)

And I am not plotting, already, as to how to keep Mr. Wonderful's laptop home tomorrow (think he'd find it in the closet? underwear drawer?), so that I can post my NMM! I would never, ever do something like that, I mean, who would even consider that? Not Me!

Well, there it is, all wrapped up with a big orange bow! Sending my prayers to Stellan, that his EKG is perfect today and that he continues to behave himself (cardiac-wise!)!

Potty Training: My Take...

I dug into the depths of my blog archives, and unearthed this bad boy (this was, like from my first month of blogging!!!)!

I've been seeing some tweets in the twittersphere 'bout this very subject, so I thought I'd dredge it up, clean it up and repost this baby!

Hope it helps! (Warning...LONG post ahead...)

-------------------------------------

I have successfully potty-trained four scratch that, make it 5 now, children, and given advice to friends trying to train theirs.

My latest (read: oldest) trained kiddo was E.W., who was 2 years and 4 months, my earliest was the lovely Miss E., who, at 20 months, decided to train herself (and, her baby sister followed in her footsteps!).

Now, by no means am I an expert, just an experienced mama, sharing what worked for me!

When I was getting ready to potty train my oldest (2 years, 2 months), my mom gave me advice to read the book "Toilet Training in Less Than a Day" and, by gum, it worked!

Mind you, the book is old (she used it for my 35 year old brother!), but I took the concept, and made it my own!

In my own opinion (it is my blog, after all) I think potty training should happen right around two years old.

I firmly believe, however, that you shouldn't try until you're ready to try (and the trainee should be showing some readiness signs, i.e. aware of soiling diaper, minding soiled diaper, telling you when he's gone, etc.)!

When I say wait til you're ready, I say that because it requires dedication! This potty training is serious business, my friends!

I'm talkin' potty 24/7, no give, no letting up, just potty, potty, potty!

What I mean by that is, when you start, start to end...don't start until you are ready to see this through to the end (**but...don't wait too long!!!).

I've seen many parents think they're giving potty training the old college try, only to throw in the towel after a couple of accidents...if you start, you need to see it through!

You need to expect accidents!

My other big (and I mean HUGE!) belief is NO Pull-ups!!!

They are just glorified diapers that are more disgusting to take of than the real thing and don't give the user the appropriate "wetness" feeling--it's unders (make sure to buy a lot of unders--8-12 pairs) or nakedness for the trainee!

Oh, except for night time...I choose to use plain old diapers at night until the potty training follows through to nights, which seems to be fairly close behind the day time training. And, really, don't stress about the nights, at least not yet. It'll come when it comes in my experience! (And if it doesn't, seek a medical opinion!)

Seems all of my kiddos were nighttime trained within, at least, four months...if not sooner (as I read this again, my Baby Girl is not nighttime trained. She has been daytime trained for four months, to the point of being able to do it herself, but not at nighttime!).

Before you decide on the big "P Day", it's not a bad idea to take out the potty chair to let your "pre-potty trainee" get used to it (we use a potty chair, I've found my kiddos do great with it, it's portable {if a little disgusting with #2's} and they can become quite independent quickly on the little seat).

The other reason we use a potty chair is that the potty training should take place in one room, in "one day", all day long. I've found the kitchen is the most practical place for potty training, I mean, you know, besides the bathroom.

One room is key, 'cuz you need to be on your potty trainee like flies on sh**!! (pun, totally intended!) And, since you'll be stuck in one room all day, it only makes sense for it to be the kitchen (breakfast, lunch, supper, hard floors make for easy clean up...).

You should plan on potty training over a long weekend, or when you know you'll be home most with your trainee.

It bothers me to no end, when I hear of parents who expect the daycare lady to potty train their kiddo.

Really? Do you really think that's okay?

I don't. And I won't make any qualms about it.

You are the parent, it is your duty to train your child, not the daycare lady.

But I digress...on the big day, do not let your trainee out of your sight...every 20-30 minutes (set a timer, if you need reminding of the time frame) say "Let's go potty!" (in your cheeriest voice!).

I've found that a little warm water sprayed over a reluctant bottom works wonders to start the flow (and leftover peri-bottles from childbirth work great for this!)! Seems like once they understand where the potty comes from, they're have a much easier time starting the flow the next time they try to go.

BM's are little tricky...I've found that almost all of my trainee's were reluctant poopers...had to catch 'em in the act and plop 'em on the potty (before they plopped on the floor, if you know what I mean!).

I also found that going commando worked well for the reluctant pooper, seems that without the "safety net" of unders, they are more agreeable to going on the potty!

Another key to training day is treats, treats and more treats!

Make it worth your little one's while, entice them to play along!

My third kiddo would actually squeeze out drops of potty with-in hours of starting training day, just to get his treat (mind you, I totally splurged, treat-wise, and got him Match-box cars for his treat--HUGE incentive, totally worth it!)!

Oh, and lot's of liquid (i.e. water, juice, milk and even, egads!! soda!) anything to get that little bladder to fill up quickly. The more trips to the potty, the better...after all, practice makes perfect!

If your trainee does have an accident, leave her wet clothes on so she can feel the dampness, and gently say "Oh, no. You had an accident."

Then go to the spot where the accident occurred, have her feel her wet clothes and say (while you are hurrying to the potty) "Oh, gotta go potty, hurry, hurry!" Try to do this about 5 times, then take off the wet unders, put dry ones on and continue with the training day! Set an alarm for 20 minutes and have the trainee go again!

I will tell you this...my first child was just over two when we did our potty training. I was a single mom home on spring break from college and I knew it was do or die!

I really, like really, really, needed potty training to work, so I went to town. This little man did not go in the potty one stinkin' time for me. Not-a once.

My mom came home from work, had him sit on the potty, he went for her and never had an accident after...I swear, true story! Ask my mom!

Potty training is near and dear to my heart, I get kinda grossed out by 3 year olds in diapers, 'cuz I know, if you put your heart into it, it can be done...and it's not that difficult.

**I also think, that if you wait too long (and in my mind that is for sure 3, if not 2 1/2), your kiddo becomes reluctant to poop/pee anywhere but in their pants.

It seems to me...that as the child gets older, they get more "set in their ways"...and rather than having a kiddo who goes with the flow, you have one that is bucky and defiant and unwilling to try something new...new being the potty!

My advice...start early, and don't give up. My most difficult child to train was my Little A. He had the verbal skills of a Philadelphia lawyer, so I figured that, at not quite two, he could verbalize to me that he had to go.

But, seems that you need more than verbal skills! It took him about a week to get the potty thing down...and he seemed to have accidents a bit more in the first few weeks. Looking at the big picture tho'...that's a drop in the hat toilet, time wise!

Good luck! I'd love to hear how it goes!

A Boy and His Hose.

Ooohhhh, Stop the presses!! This just in...my teenager just told me I'm smart!! (I had to put that in print so I could come back to it someday) And now, the rest of the story:


This is our guy who does his own thing, forges his own path, marches to the beat of a different drummer, (am I missing any more?)! Little A. is a wanderer, oh, he's a wanderer, he gets around, around, around...(catchy little tune!). Here is what I captured the other day (and be prepared to be slightly grossed out!!)
This kid is a water bug, if it's wet, he's there! Overflowing bathroom sinks, muddy messes outside, water on our air hockey table...he never denies it, just can't 'splain it!

Mmmmm, a delightfully refreshing drink of ice cold, crisp clean water from the garden hose...oh, what's that you say Dad, you're WHAT??? Draining the nasty dirty hot tub water?! Aaarrgghhh, spititoutspititoutSPITITOUT!!!!! Oh, for serious...my kiddo just glugged a ton of hot tub water, and didn't bat an eyelash!

As you can tell by his "geez mom relax" face, I don' think hot tub water will be the worst thing he drinks! (Ugh, I think I need to go wash out his mouth again!)

Swing batta, batta!

We had a fabulous time this past weekend, enjoying our first U13 traveling baseball tournament of the year! I guess I could've thought of more glamorous ways to spend my Mother's Day, but without my kiddos (especially this one, who first made me a mother!) I wouldn't be celebrating Mom's Day!

My retirement plan:

Guess they lifted the "Swine Flu No Handshaking Ban"!

First place!!!An added bonus to the b-ball filled weekend, a hotel room stay! Tiny girl got her first hotel experience and dove right in, which won't surprise any who know her! She, of course, headed straight to the bathroom, where she proceeded to unroll the toilet paper--I didn't catch on until she came out with a ribbon of TP trailing her (I was enjoying the benefits of WiFi!!).

Little stink...always has to be climbing!The fam enjoying the 'telly', we don't have such luxuries at home! They lapped it up, got in as much TV time as they could...who am I kidding? So did I! Ace of Cakes, Iron Chef America, a Twins game...too bad Jon and Kate or What Not to Wear wasn't on. Oh, did I say we were in town for a baseball tournament? Nah, that was just our cover!

And what a fabulous surprise! The boys' were given roses for their mamas...and to top it off, I got Chipotle and a Caribou gift card! Ahhhh, couldn't have asked for anything better! Well, maybe, perhaps, a spa day...but I won't mention that!

Not Me! Monday

I've never looked so forward to Mondays before! But ever since finding MckMama's blog and learning about Not Me! Mondays, I've come to find that Mondays are pretty darn entertaining! Well, okay, so last Monday was my first NMM experience, but man, did I enjoy myself! So I'm back, for my sophomore attempt...here we go!

I have a slight shoe fetish, and I enjoy shopping for shoes like I enjoy breathing. Shoes give me life, particularily bold colored flats. While shopping for said flats with my totally awesome mother, I was admiring my beautifully shod feet, but couldn't quite get the complete look with my jeans on. So I rolled them up and bit, and egads!!, there on my knee was my worst nightmare...a woodtick. So, I kinda freaked out, yelling getitoffGETITOFFGETITOFF calmly asked my mom to please remove it for me. What kind of grown adult freezes when facing a woodtick? Not Me!

So, I'm a nurse, I mean, you know, besides being a mom. Earlier in the week I came down with a little bug, sneezy, stuffy nose, headache, and guess what? Yup, thought it was the swine flu. Not that I've ever known a nurse to be a hypochondriac or anything, that would be absurd. I would never think I've got the latest pandemic, nope, Not Me!

I was bloghopping the other day, when I came across a site that had a name very similar (i.e. identical) to the name of my blog, which was formerly known as mymamalogue. Perusing said site, I found that this lady had TRADEMARKED this name! Yikes! I mean, how could I not know this?! Being the calm, rational person I am I began imagining trials, lawyer fees, spending the rest of my life in jail, never seeing my kids again just changed my blog to reflect my awesome kiddos, and "fivecrookedhalos" was born. I would never think about reacting to a situation with anything but calm clearheadedness...ha! ha!! Yeah, right...Not Me!!

So, with this new found hobby of blogging and bloghopping, I have a confession to make. Or would it be an admittance? (is that a word?) Here goes, I am a MckMamaholic. There it is, in black and white. The first step in an addiction is admitting it, or something, right? Well, there it is, for all the world to see. I relate to MckMama, and I think (or I'd like to think) that, perhaps, she's making me a better mom. For example, reading her post about cranberry couscous got me to thinking that maybe I should start feeding my kids more healthy foods. However, when said kids saw the photo of said couscous they all said "Yuck, what is that?" To which I responded, "Aw, come on guys, it looks good! Big Mac and Mcknugget eat it...all you guys ever want are Big Macs and Mcknuggets!". Is there any help for my addiction? Do I even want it? Not a chance...Not Me!

In reference to above addiction, I use my hubby's company laptop (he's self-employed). Well, this happens to be his busy season, so he is in need of his computer more so lately than before (ah, it's just work!). Story goes that the other morning he had his laptop all packed up and ready to go. It happened to be laying on the livingroom floor, just minding it's own business, like laptops usually do. Since it wasn't, you know, bothering, anybody, I just innocently failed to mention to my hubby that, perhaps, he needed his laptop before he left for the day. What kind of wife would knowingly withhold that? Certainly Not Me!

Well, there it is! Happy Not Me! Monday, my fellow MckMamaholics! Have a fantastic week!

Virtual Mediocrity!

So, after my recent brush with the law, (whew, glad I caught it before, um, anyone else!), I discovered a little somethin' 'bout myself. I once thought I was a clever, witty, verbally creative person...but, boy, this virtual world sure is humbling!

When I thought of the original address (is it URL? I'm still new to this jargon...) for my blog, I thought, "mymamalogue...isn't that creative? A cute play on words?" Turns out, unbeknownst to me, that someone beat me to the punch, and trademarked it! Holy smokes, my heart was pounding as I imagined legal fees, trials, losing my home, my car, spending the rest of my life in prison calmly began my search for a new address.

Then, as I was searching for more creative names to use for my URL (did I get it right?), I found that everything was taken. Everything. I'd think I'd come up with the most clever, original phrase, play on words, and, yup, you got it...taken. Bum-mer. And that's how I ended up with fivecrookedhalos...cute, appropriate, fun (kinda like me?)

It gets worse, this mediocrity of mine. So, I was bloghopping the other day, reading posts and their owners profiles, when I came across one profile that was nearly verbatim to mine...(insert tears, oh, woe is me, tantrums). Really, am I that unoriginal?! What a blow to my ego! But, wait...perhaps I should look at this differently. Maybe she and I are of the "great minds think alike" variety? Do you think, possibly? I should have left her a comment, but I got outta there so fast, I don't even remember where I was!

So here I sit, trying to accept my new found not so specialness. I feel like my tiara's a little tarnished, my gown is ripped and my coach has turned into a pumpkin. Oh woe is me.

Yikes!

Okay, so I know I just posted, but...HOLY CRAP!!! I was playing around on the net and found out I am in violation of a registered trademark by using this name! Stay posted, I will be changing the URL to my blog!!!

My Gig (other than wife and mother)

Wow! So "Not Me! Monday" turned out to be more fun than I ever anticipated! I got over 800 hits to my blog, which I certainly know is due to the traffic from MckMama's blog my fantastic creative writing abilities. Um, yeah...so, anyway, thought I'd throw a blog out there related to my moonlighting practice as a labor and delivery nurse! (Quick little disclaimer: Do not take this as medical advice. Please contact your health care provider...or something like that, right?)

I love the calls that go something like this:

Patient: Um, this is my first baby, I'm due tomorrow and I just had two contractions in the last hour. They didn't really hurt, but I'm afraid of making it there on time. Do you think I should come in?

Here's what I'd like to say:
Well, do you live two days away? 'Cuz if you do, then certainly, you might want to think about maybe getting packed and possibly starting your drive. But take your time.

Patient: But I lost my mucous plug!

Here's what I'd like to say:
Oh, no! You better find it! You do know that you can't be admitted unless you find it?

In contrast, here's what the clinic triage nurse would say about lost mucous plugs:
You better call 911 and take an ambulance to the hospital!

Here's what a clinic triage nurse once told a patient who reported having 3 BM's in an hour:
You better call 911 and take an ambulance to the hospital!

And guess what the clinic triage nurse would tell the first timer above?
You better call 911 and take an ambulance to the hospital!

I think maybe the clinic triage is just automated, "Please press one if you think you are in labor, two if you have the runs, three if you've lost your mucous plug--but it doesn't really matter what you press because we'll just tell you to call 911 anyway."

Thankfully (most) people are smart enough to just drive themselves in in non-emergency cases, but not all!!

Then there's the fine folks who come in (notoriously) at 11:30pm on a Saturday night, saying:
I haven't felt my baby move for two days. (Yikes!)

Now, this is truly a scary situation to me, the last thing a labor nurse wants is to put on the monitors and not have baby's heart tones. But, come on! Really, two days?!! And instead of calling after an hour or two of no movement you wait until Saturday night?! After 48 hours of no movement?! Wow. No you're lookin' at a good two hour hospital stay (and it's not just in and out...you get admitted and the whole 9 yards!) when you could've been in and out at the clinic.

9 out of 10 of these turn out to be "false alarms" (thank goodness!). Inadvertently, you put the monitors on and the baby moves like crazy...but that my friends, is AWESOME!! Then the mom feels embarrassed and we gently remind her to wait much less if she is concerned about her baby's well being (yeah, like 46 hours less!) and, perhaps, then she could see her own doctor in the clinic.

What I'd like to do is write a book called "Frankly, You're Pregnant", and it would be all about the in's and out's of pregnancy. 38 weeks and back pain? Well, "Frankly, You're Pregnant". Terrible acne and bacne (back acne)? Well, "Frankly, You're Pregnant". Hips ache, boobs ache, belly aches? Well, "Frankly, You're Pregnant". You get the picture!

Here's the other thing...Birth Plans? The unofficial word on the street amongst labor nurses is, the longer the birth plan, the more labor and delivery complications. And I don't say this to be mean, not at all! I myself am an "au naturale" kinda gal, but it really seems like these poor ladies come with their laminated birth plans and grand ideas, and it never fails that they are the ones who end up tethered to the monitor 'cuz they have meconium in their amniotic fluid, crappy heart tones, pre-eclampsia, big babies that get stuck, and c-sections. Which, inevitably, afterwards they'll end up with an infection, bowel impaction, seizures, morphine PCA's, jaundiced babies...etc. I also feel like the bad guy in some of these cases. I don't think the general public is aware of the consequences of some decision making in regards to birth plans. Our goal, as hospital nurses is to have a healthy mom and a healthy baby. Unfortunately, that sometimes means an induced labor, an episiotomy, cutting the baby's cord before it is done pulsing (I don't really get that one anyway), and, egads!!, sometimes a c-section. A 42 week baby is at just as great a risk, if not more, than a pre-term baby. Did you know that beyond 40 weeks, you're baby is likely to poop inside? This creates a whole new set of circumstances at delivery. So, I guess what I'm saying is, listen to your doctor or nurse. Advocate for yourself and your baby, but keep in mind that we are not out to get you or derail your beautiful birth experience. A very experienced nurse once told her labor class, "We are not here for a beautiful birth experience. Our goal is a healthy mom and a healthy baby." Very well said!

Wow! That was a long post! I kinda went off on a tangent, didn't I?! I'm sorry, next time, I'll try to keep it light and fun! I meant for this post to be humorous and tongue in cheek, but I guess my passion for healthy babies came through in the end. Oh, wait! Here's my favorite:

Nurse to patient: You're urine tox screen came back positive for amphetamines.

Patient: Oh, I was just around people who were smoking it. (Really? Do you think we're that stupid?)
Or alternate response:
Patient: Oh, I had a bad cold so I took some Sudafed. (Wow...I guess you really do think we're that stupid!)