Wednesday, October 21, 2009

An Unwelcome Houseguest

Pssst...hey you! Yes, you!!

I've gotta warn you about something...no, no, actually someone!

If this lady...she goes by the name of Aunt Flow, comes knockin' at your door...do not!!! let her in!

She is an ungrateful, vile little guest.

Take my word...while the rest of your household will remain seemingly unaware of her presence, she will bring you down, girl!

She will make you one mean, bloated, pimple-faced psycho--she's like that, you know.

She'll wreck your clothes, make you buy things you'll just have to throw away, she'll make you stuff your face with everything and anything in sight, and still not leave you satisfied.

She greatly overstays her welcome...leaving only after a miserable 5-7 day visit. She'll leave your trashcans overflowing with her nastiness, and she may even have the audacity to wake you from your deep slumber, just to pay her some attention!

Worse yet, she'll worry you when she's late, turn you into a fretting, nervous wreck (or, perhaps, you'll embrace her lateness...and begin having sweet dreams of a different little houseguest)...yet, when she arrives you'll curse her arrival with every bit of your being.

I'm warning you...if Aunt Flow comes knocking...run, hide, do not answer the door.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I did.


22 comments:

  1. Ugh!! Don't remind me!! Everyday I'm worried about getting it..I was actually gonna do a post on it..:-) Anywho..I hate that visitor!!!

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  2. While the reasons for my surgery weren't welcomed, that is one side benefit that I can't argue or deny. I haven't had any such visitors since Feb of 2005... blissful wouldn't begin to describe it and do it justice.

    Someone asked me today if that certain glow I have might be because I'm pregnant -- uhm, no... I've been spayed, but we've decided to keep on trying! LOL

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  3. Hysterical, but sadly true post!! She ALWAYS shows up early at my house...No amount of medicine can even take a hint of pain away from that stupid, horrific, painfully persistent woman! She has even demanded that I leave work once or twice.

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  4. Amen sister! Especially the pimply faced part. Ugh! It's awful!!!

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  5. I couldnt have said it better myself.... being a woman can be so completely MISERABLE!

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  6. HILARIOUS! But seriously, are we on the same cycle here?

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  7. She came knockin' on my door last September and didn't leave until Novvember. She most def overstayed her welcome and has not been back since December, thanks to a wonderful man, also known as OBGYN.

    But, I got a good laugh! haha!

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  8. I'm in a different boat altogether - I would totally welcome Aunt Flow with open arms! I haven't had a visit from her since I miscarried in February. This equals lots of visits to the OBGYN, lots of negative pregnancy tests, lots of grief and an upcoming fertility exam complete with an ultrasound, xrays and a very invasive poking and prodding procedure. Yes, my friend, I am the opposite -- I am anticipating her visit!

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  9. She's still banned from my house currently and has been for the last 12 months! Although, she wrote me a letter and said she may be trying to stop by soon to see if I am home. :-) Definintely not looking forward to her return.

    I started reading your post and thought, "Hey, how does she know my mother-in-law?!" :-)

    Great blog!
    Tamara

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  10. 1 more thing. I see you have a signature. I CANNOT get mine working! can you tell me what website you went to, and what code you used? if you still remember! it would help tremendously!

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  11. Yea that evil one is visiting me now. Just in time for my one night with my husband away from kids. She is so kind.

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  12. Awesome post. I seriously laughed so hard I peed (all because I don't own an awesome bladder like you)

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  13. Oh yes, I remember Aunt Flo....she has not paid me a visit (except for a few weeks after my son was born, and that wasn't even her normal visit.),since I was pregnant with my son. My son is 10 months old and thankfully breastfeeding has kept Aunt Flo away!!

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  14. Oh my word, so true! She hadn't visited in quite some time with pregnancy and nursing (those sorts of things tend to keep her away), and now she's back with avengence!

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  15. This is the one perk my cancer did provide.... no more visits from Aunt Flo.. Why I have the "cramping" also known as teh knock on the door from our dear Aunt Flo.... she will not enter..

    Good bye Aunt Flo...I don't and won't miss ya..

    cute post!

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  16. Me and Aunt Flow... well, we don't get along. Or let's say when she's around, no one gets along with me! She comes around and knocks and then runs at various times in the month in preparation of her lengthier visit. Her visits have gotten harder to deal with as I've gotten older.

    Wait a minute... I think Aunt Flow will be arriving in a day or two. Yikes!

    BTW, you crack me up with these kinds of posts. You're too much.

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  17. ROFL...the only thing that is worse than Aunt Flow coming knocking on your door is when she knocks on your daughter's door. I'm gonna be sitting in the door with the shotgun when the time comes! Kim

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  18. With your permission I am going to copy and paste this on my blog giving you all the kodos you deserve on this one. THIS WAS HYSTERICAL.... I must pass on your brilliance.

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  19. Seriously, the best part of being pregnant is not getting visits from Aunt Flo. Lol.

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  20. Ladies, SHE is a HE. His name is Tom. (You know. Time O'the Month?) 'Cause I assure you, no woman would make another woman endure such torture. Only a man can put us through that on a regular and repeated basis!
    Loved this post!

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I love comments! And, I welcome your thoughts that aren't in agreement with mine...as long as they are respectful!

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